one.
And if I was running you’d be the one who I would be running to
And if I was crying you would be lining the cloud that would pull me through
(Find A Way – Safetysuit)

two.
I want to kiss someone. Really, truly, actually kiss someone. Yes I’ve kissed someone before – but there was nothing there. No sparks, no fireworks, no nothing. If thats what I have to live with for the rest of my life, then I don’t want it. I want what they show on tv, and in movies. I want someone who’ll hold my hand all the time. I want someone who thinks I’m beautiful – even when my eyes are red from crying, my hairs in a pony tail, and i’m wearing old sweatpants. I want to be able to look at someone and feel a surge of energy each and every time. I need someone to care. I need someone to hold me. I need someone to be able to look at me, and make my entire world spin. Not just someone who can say nice things, but someone who actually means them. I know my expectations are high, but I’m hoping that somewhere some boy is thinking the same thing. I want to be in love, and I’m tired of waiting.

three.
Cook: If this was us meeting for the first time. I’d do it all again. Everything. The fucks, fuck ups, everything. I’d do it all again.
Effy: Whats that supposed to mean?
Cook: It means I still love you.
(Skins)

four.
I know you’re lonely. I think you need someone to want you. Well I do want you. So be brave, and want me back.
(Skins)

five.
Thats people. We arrive, consume what we can and leave. Like locust.
(Skins)

six.
I don’t care if you think you’re odd, because I feel like singing when I see you. And you’re beautiful. And I’ve been such a fucking chapstick this past few weeks. And all I want to do this morning is sit on top of Brandon Hill and hold you, and tell you how wonderful you are.
(Skins)

one.
I hate being put in this position. I’m forcing myself to let go of the one person I need in my life. You’re the only thing that makes sense, but at the same time, the one thing that complicates me. I know that I’m better off without you, but I feel empty whenever I try to let go. But I guess that emptiness is better than constant hurt.

two.
You know that feeling you get when everything goes perfectly, constantly and nothing’s ever wrong with anyone or anything? Me neither.

three.
I believe being alone means you’re free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you’re with is the one you’re meant to be with. That everything you want to happen,  will happen. If you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead.

four.
At this age, everything is changing.  Day by day we don’t notice, but just look back over the past year and you will realize everything has. People you thought that were going to be there forever aren’t, and people you never imagined you’d be speaking to are now some of your closest friends. Life makes little sense, and the more we grow the less sense it will make. So make the most of now, before it all changes once again, because in the near future, all of this is only going to be memories.

five.
My heart stopped. It just stopped beating. And for the first time in all my life, I had that feeling. You know, like the world is moving all around you, all beneath you, all inside you, but you’re floating. Floating in midair. And the only thing keeping you from drifting away is the other person’s eyes.

six.
Why do we find it so hard to let go? Why do we have such difficulty accepting the inevitable, dealing with what’s right in front of us – why can’t we get over something we can do nothing to change? I guess we all just hope too much. Hope for the best, hope that he’s still holding on when the truth is he’s long gone, up, up, up and away. There’s a fine line between faith and naivety, sometimes we’re too in love to see that line and so blindly cross it.

seven.
And that’s the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does, too.

eight.
And you asked me if he was worth it, if this was worth it. I said, the thing is, the happiness that I feel when I’m with him is unlike any  happiness I have ever experienced. But the sadness that consumes me during the long periods when the happiness is gone is unlike any sadness I’ve ever had, too. it is bottomless and makes me feel hopeless and sad and ugly. And I can’t decide which one is more affecting, Can I live without the happiness, can I live with the sadness? I don’t know, I don’t know anything anymore.

nine.
The bad thing about falling to pieces is that it hurts. The good thing about it is that once you’re lying there in shards, you’ve got nothing left to protect, and so you have no reason not to be honest.

one.
Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

two.
I don’t want to get to the end. Or to tomorrow, even, and realize that my life is a collection of meetings, and pop cans, and errands, and receipts, and dirty dishes. I want to eat cold tangerines, and sing out loud in the car with the windows open, and wear pink shoes, and stay up all night laughing, and paint my walls the exact color of the sky right now. I want to sleep hard on clean white sheets, and throw parties, and eat ripe tomatoes, and read books so good they make me jump up and down.

three.
What if this time, I don’t say hi first? What if this time, I don’t text you back? What if this time, I leave you wondering? Yeah what if this time, your the one left feeling fucked over.

four.
She had spent too much of her life in a state of passive dread, just waiting for something bad to happen. In a life like that, relief was as close as you got to happiness.

five.
People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.

six.
Sweetheart, you can’t bullshit me. See, I’ve lied to myself enough to know when someone else is doing it. So let’s try this again, and how about the truth this time.

seven.
I don’t know what love is. I’ve never been in it, to tell you the truth. But I thought I have been, but I guess that’s it. If you have to wonder if it’s the real deal, then it’s not.

eight.
Sometimes it’s tough being a girl. If you hate a pretty girl, people will think you’re jealous. If you like an older guy, people will call you a slut. Whenever you get into an argument with your best friend, no one will care and say, “Oh, you’ll be friends tomorrow.” And when you fall for the right person, everyone else thinks he’s wrong for you.

nine.
What if I said you never mattered, that I never lost a moment of sleep. What if I crushed all your dreams, broke all the promises I swore to keep. Tell me how your life would be, if I did to you what you did to me?

one.
I’m scared to move on because I’m worried that the second I’m happy with someone else, you’ll pop up and ruin it. Ruin it by telling me that you want me, and that you’re sorry, and that you like me “kinda a lot,” and that you miss me “kinda a lot.” I’m worried that I’ll get so confused because I’ll be so happy with him, but of course I’ll still want you, and that will make me start crying all the time, end up losing the best relationship I ever had, just to have you get bored again and move onto some trashy girl. The worst part about all of this? I can see you doing it, because you want me hooked, you want me as an option, even if it is an option you’ll never take.

two.
When you’re thinking about how much you miss me, and I’m completely fine, remember how I felt, and remind yourself this is what you wanted. Because with every day coming and going, I’m learning how to be okay without you. And I can’t wait for the day when I get to look at you and feel absolutely nothing.

three.
And we were better than we’d ever been before. You would call me on the phone before you even got home. Without me, you said you were all alone.

four.
On the outside, you know you’re not that same naive kid anymore. You’ve been through too much too fast, but deep down, at your core, there will always be a part of you that rejects reality, that is eternally hopeful.

five.
I could write novels about pain. Not the kind of pain you get when you break your arm, but the kind that makes your broken heart go into your throat, so that it takes all of your energy and concentration to breathe. The kind of pain that makes you want to scream & sob at the same time. The kind of pain that makes you want to hurt everyone around you because you’re suffering & they’re not, because they can breathe without feeling guilty & hold a normal conversation without breaking down into fits of tears or rage. A pain that bites it’s toungue and nods acceptingly when asked if okay.

six.
It seems like everyone I know is ready to move onto the next level of life. Is it too cynical for me to assume that it’s not going to be any better? In fact, I’m willing to bet it’s pretty much all downhill from here. After education it’s more education, for those who can afford it and who have the ability to go, and then after that it’s forty hour weeks. No more summer vacations. No more long lazy afternoons to do nothing. No more knowing that nothing really counts yet.

seven.
I was the third wheel. Fifth wheel? I was the fucking wheel you didn’t really need but I still hung around. I thought maybe my silence would one day impress somebody. As of yet, it hasn’t done much for me.

one.
When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life.
When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’.
They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.

two.
I like the feeling of always having someone chasing after me, wanting to win me over and constantly fighting for me.
But in all honestly, they will never win me over because i have had my mind & heart set on him for way to long to
ever give the other boys a second glance.

three.
Sometimes when I say “im okay” I want someone to look me in the eyes, hug me and say “I know youre not.”

four.
Its sweet when someone knows every single detail about you. Not because you constantly remind them, but because they pay attention.

five.
I’m in one of those moods that nothing is really wrong in my life, but my brain keeps on insisting that there is.
Or maybe it’s my heart thats doing the insisting. I can’t really tell. You know that feeling?

six.
I’m saying that I’m a moody, insecure, narrow-minded, jealous, borderline homicidal bitch,
and I want you to promise me that you’re okay with that, because it’s who I am,and you’re what I need.

seven.
There were times he caught me, but more times he let me fall. And it finally came time for me to learn that
I could pick myself up off the ground and walk away.

eight.
Look, I know this sucks for you and I want to be there for you, I do, but I can’t do this anymore.
I can’t keep being your second choice, not when you’re my first.

nine.
I’m not going to stress over you anymore, it isn’t worth it. I tried, and maybe I didn’t try hard enough,
but it didn’t seem to work and it’s exhausting. And I’m not saying that I don’t want you, because believe me, I do.
All I’m saying is I’m done chasing after you.

ten.
What the hell happened to us? Somewhere between now and then things changed.
I remember how much you liked me and I sure remember how much I liked you.
I guess the only thing that really changed was, you stopped and I didn’t.

eleven.
He turned around and looked right at me and said nothing. Not even hi.
It was as if the months we had spent together, the time i spent loving him,
just weren’t important, as if they never happened.

twelve.
So once again, I feel my heart break over something that was in my head. but don’t forget,
I meant every word I should have left unsaid.

thirteen.
I guess it’s because I can’t help but to remember everything. I mean, you see somebody and
you think about all they’ve ever said and done. The good and the bad. It all comes back to you,
and it feels so right and hurts so bad all at once.

fourteen.
I hope you know that you were once the most important person in my life for a very long time.
You were the guy I thought about while listening to all those songs, the one guy who made me
actually look forward to waking up in the morning. You were the guy who could make or break me,
who had my heart, but never bothered to do anything about it.

fifteen.
I don’t want to see you anymore, I’m just not that strong. I love it when you’re here.
But I’m better when you’re gone. I saw him staring at me. Not glancing, but blatantly staring.
And I wondered if he was staring, at the wreckage he created, or if maybe, just maybe,
he regretted ever hurting me in the first place.

sixteen.
I’m mad at myself, not you. I’m mad for always being nice, always apologizing for things I didn’t do,
for getting attached, for making you my life, depending on you, wasting my time on you, thinking about you,
following you, changing for you, forgiving you, wishing for you, dreaming of you,
and most of all for not hating you which I know I should, but can’t.

seventeen.
At least I expected the disappointment, right? I mean, I can’t say I was surprised
you hurt me once again. But I can’t say it hurt any less, either.

eighteen.
It’s so weird. You’re so different from all the others I have liked. We barely know each other and
I freak out if you even say a word to me. It seems so unreal for us to be together, yet for some reason
I can picture us together: talking, laughing, taking crazy pictures. As much as I want to give up sometimes,
I keep on trying because something in my gut tells me that we are meant to be, and that one day, it just might happen.

one.
We cling to music, to poems, to quotes, to writing, to art, because we desperately want to feel together. We want to know that we are not going crazy and that somewhere else out there, someone is feeling exactly what you are feeling. We love everything that is tied up neatly, easily, and simply but when we can not find that, it scares the hell out of us, to not know the next step, or where things are headed. Being unsure is never part of our plan. But it’s those moments, the ones where you risk it and take a chance regardless of how vulnerable it makes us, that help us remember that life is larger than we’ll ever know.

two.
In all honesty, I don’t think people change. At the end of the day, you’re who you are, and probably who you have always been.

three.
I see that you’re online, and the butterflies in my stomach from being anxious are still there. You message me and ask me how I am. I put my fingers to the keys and realize that there is nothing left to say. There is nothing for me to say that will change anything. There is nothing I haven’t said to try to change your mind.

four.
Have you ever wondered about the things we tell ourselves before we fall asleep? We whisper the words in the dark, telling ourselves that we’re happy, or he’s happy, that people will change their minds. We persuade ourselves that we can live without the people who have left. Each night before we fall asleep, we lie to ourselves in desperate hope that come morning, it will all be true.

nine.
She was a girl who lived for the weekends, not so she could go out and get drunk or high, but so she could escape the hierarchy of school life, and just have fun with her friends.

one.
I’m afraid of time… I mean, I’m afraid of not having enough time. Not enough time to understand people, how they really are, or to be understood myself. I’m afraid of the quick judgments or mistakes everybody makes. You can’t fix them without time. I’m afraid of seeing snapshots, not movies.

eight.
Change is a funny thing. We’re never quite sure what we’re becoming, or why. Then, one day we look at ourselves and wonder who we are and how we got there.

one.
I hate that moment when you remember something sweet the last guy said to you, or something he randomly did that made you fall in love. Because then all your head allows you to do is compare that with the new guy. Then what if he doesn’t measure up? What the hell are you supposed to do if the guy before him still has sections of your heart?

two.
I am scared of anyone finding out how lonely I am, I have shut everyone out completely.

sixteen.
My thoughts tend to sound better in books I didn’t write, and in the songs I didn’t sing. Even then, sometimes there is no piece of literature, no song, no work of art that can really explain the way you feel. There is a double-edge comfort in knowing that no one really knows.

one.
If you want what you’ve never had, you have to do what you’ve never done.

two.
God doesn’t give you the people you want, he gives you the people you need.
To help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.

three.
It’s not about who you’ve been with, it’s about who you end up with. Sometimes, the heart doesn’t know what it wants until it finds what it wants.

four.
You taught me many things, like how it feels to miss someone so bad it feels like a part of you is missing.
 I can tell you one thing, now that you have gone I never will forget you. You left your mark.

five.
Be kind to unkind people. They need it the most.

six.
You act like we never had anything. Which is insane, because we had everything. I don’t know how you can ignore the world because thats what we had, the world.

seven.
It’s like I’m waiting for something specific, but I’m not sure yet what it is. I want to test out love at first sight, love at first breath, but am I ready yet?

eight.
I want you to have your heart broken. To have it hurt so bad you can barely breathe.When you see that person, I want you to feel like you are being pushed off the earth. When you see that person, I want you to have to leave, because being around them, it’s the worst pain. Knowing you love them, but you can’t have them.

nine.
You make me smile, and obviously I like that. But knowing my history in choosing boys, you’ll break my heart. And yes, some things are worth risking, chancing. But my heart isn’t one of them.

ten.
I realized that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed, and this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older and you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened.

eleven.
There’s always that one person. No matter how long it’s been, or how badly they’ve treated you, if they say I love you, you will say it back.

twelve.
After all, how many of us have tried to forget something traumatic; only to find it imprinted on our eyelids, and tattooed on our tongues?